Wednesday, November 09, 2005

To the Future Mr. Top Hat

Dear Mr. TopHat,
There are some things about me that you are going to have to understand and be ok with before you marry me. That's ok, right? Well, it had better be, because that's how it's going to be, sir.
First, every recipe I know has tomatoes in it because every recipe that I ever ate when I was growing up had tomatoes in it. If you're allergic to tomatoes, now is the time to break this thing off.
Concerning the topic of food, I am a "food purist." This means I don't mix foods often. Ask me to cook for you sometime, you'll see what I mean.
Second, I am a clutz. There's this thing called a "body" and I have a tendency to forget that I have one. At every wrong moment, I will forget what my hand or foot is doing in relation to the rest of me and I'll do something terrible. I can give you three examples from just yesterday: I spilt lemonade on my lap at lunch, I broke my pencil from reaching it out of my pocket, and then when I was pondering what a clutz I am on the way to class, I fell off the curb. Why do I do these things? Because I haven't exactly mastered my motor skills yet. Now don't get me wrong, I can play the piano like a madwoman and type 55-65 wpm. I'm on the BYU colorguard. I do have motor skills, just not climbing-stairs ones. My brain just forgets that it's a part of a body. That's all. There will be many times in our married life when I will cut myself accidently or spill sugar all over the floor. I will just shrug these off because it happens to me all the time. You, however, have probably never experienced this. I can be frustrating, but don't get upset at me. I'm just going to shrug it off anyway.
Sir, another thing I do is put things down and forget where I put them. You are about to jump into a neverending conversation that sounds like this:
"Where did I put my ____?"
"It's right next to you, honey."
"Where?" and I will look all around myself and not see it, believe me.
"Right there."
That conversation will happen everyday at least five times. Get used to it. If you need them, I'll make up flash cards for you so you can practice it.
You also need to know, sir, that I do a lot alone. I can clean, but only by myself. If someone else is there (meaning if someone else is in the house and is not asleep), I cannot clean. The same goes for cooking. I can only cook if I'm the only one in the kitchen. Honest. Don't you even try to add oregano to the spaghetti. I will do it and I will do it alone.
I get crazy ideas all the time. Sometimes I go on an origami spree or a vegetarian spree. Don't worry these will all pass. Let me have my fun.
I talk in movie theaters. And I laugh at all the wrong places in a movie, loudly, very loudly.
I talk to myselt a lot. And to God. And to the moon. And to the bedroom and the chair I'm sitting on and to just about everything. Get used to it. Don't send me to a pysch hospital.
I'm a stickler about rules, but I jaywalk religiously. I prefer riding a bike to driving a car. I dance every time I think no one's looking (and a lot of the time when people are looking) and I like AC/DC. I have no shame and will not behave myself in "proper" company. If taken to a fancy dinner, I will laugh because of the waiter's accent and nothing will stop me and you'll be embarrassed in front of your boss, but I will keep on laughing. And the Webster's dictionary is my closest friend. Nothing will come between us. Not even you, Mr. Top Hat...if that really is your name....

Um yeah. So if you are ok with all of that, sure let's get married.
Top Hat

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