Are you still hiding in your comfort zone, afraid to make your great debut in the world?
As the Heavenly Hosts say, "Fear Not!" I have created a new product that is guaranteed to throw you out of your comfort zone and into the frying pan where the party is HOT HOT HOT!
Because it is such a revolutionary idea, I cannot tell you exactly what the product is, I can tell you it's name, though. Please welcome to the market the 2006 Turbo Charged Bubble Popper XL-360!
Your bubble guaranteed to pop in just 10 days!
With this product, you will find yourself doing all the things you never did because you were too afraid to! You will be following impulses that will make your life more exciting like a MOVIE!
Impulses, you say, what kind of impulses? All the good ones. This product will help you realize that really any thing you want to do, even if it is not immediately socially acceptable, is perfectly fine, unless said activity harms the physical well being or the eternal progression or agency of yourself or others. Taking those few things out, you can do just about anything!
You want more specifics? These bubble popping impulses include:
- Deciding to become a vegitarian without any warning.
- Jaydancing instead of jaywalking.
- Shouting "Allelujah" at random intervals.
- Taking up a new hobby like origami or Uno.
- Doing your homework with fingerpaint.
- Becoming ambidextrous.
- Giving high-fives to the neighborhood kids.
- Buying flowers and giving them to homeless people.
- Learning how to play the harmonica in your free time.
- Playing said harmonica in sacrament meeting.
- Writing backwards.
- Wearing silly hats.
- Disco dancing.
- Throwing paper airplanes off heights.
- Impulse sidewalk chalk buying.
- Strange desires to learn to yo-yo.
- Drinking abnormal amounts of root beer.
- and so much more!
Side effects include: Joy. Freedom of behavior. Realization that agency means more than choosing right over wrong, but better over good!
The essence of this product is that it allows you to ask yourself, "Will this action affect other people or myself in an adverse way? No? Then what's stopping me?"
This product is recommended by 9/10 doctors (the last doctor was in Fiji and we couldn't get ahold of him). It has not been tested on animals, although including your dog in on the fun is recommended.
Warning: do not give to children under the age of 7. It's like feeding them more sugar, and we all know they don't need that.
After I started using the 2006 Turbo Charged Bubble Popper XL-360, I noticed that I wasn't so tense after a hard day. I came home in better spirits than I left that morning. It has worked wonders for my stress levels and my cooking! -Not Me from Bringhurst, Indiana
I decided to use the 2006 Turbo Charged Bubble Popper XL-360 when I realized that my talk in church last month was boring. Now I've seen the light and highly recommend this product to anyone who is looking for a solution to their dull life. -A Different Person from Jacksonville, Florida
As you see, this product will CHANGE YOUR LIFE! What are you waiting for?
Act now! End your life of monotony TODAY!