Monday, January 30, 2006


So I was reading the One Hundred Hour Board this morning and I came across this question. I liked the response, as I think it is accurate insomuch as the relation to the seventh cousin/spouse thing. However, Petra's phrase

7th cousins? That's nothing. For heaven's sake, we're Mormons: everyone is related on at least that level. (Or, at least, all BICs.)

excluded me. She then continues to act that she's not being presumptuous. Petra, Petra, Petra. I'm Mormon and I am definitely not related to anyone in Utah, as my parents are both converts and have no family on this side of the Mississippi. Petra, I'm not upset, really. It's understandable and you tried your best; that's all we ask. I don't think any less of you.
So let me tell you something about us second-gen Mormons. We've heard stories. We've heard great and terrible stories about the "Utah Mormons" and these terrify us. There are stories of "fetchers" and "fry sauce" and...and...Green-Jello-with-Carrots-and-Potatoes-in-it-Eating-Mutants.
So we come. We come to BYU to save you all. Your inbreeding of pioneer stock has to end. So we come, over the Mississippi to take you back to the East where you first came from. We are mutant-free, hoping for a mutant-free Utah. We're doing this for you. Don't we sound so charitable? (insert sly smile here)
And we aren't afraid of the repercussions.

Oh, mothers of Utah, we've come to take your sons away and marry them, carry them back over the Mississippi where you won't see them again until they're 30. And your can give up the hope of being able to trace their geneology back to Brigham Young twice. You'll get once, and then you'll get a tenth great-grandfather who assassinated the king of England. Yes murderous blood, treacherous blood, but sweet, none the less...


  1. Thank you for your comment. However, I am very happily a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons). But thanks for your concern.

  2. To Aaron Shafovaloff:
    I removed your comment because I'd rather not have sites that are against me and or The Church linked to my blog. Thank you.

  3. Petra9:19 AM

    I was mostly joking, just for the record. Who know I'd get such a reaction?

    (And, also for the record--are you listening out there, notetakers?--I'm not a Utah Mormon either.)

  4. we traced ours three times and never found Brigham Young. Not even once. But thanks for the suggestion.


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