Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Today, I am going to praise the semicolon; in fact, I am going to use it as much as possible. The wonderful thing about semicolons is that you can use them whenever you feel like it; actually, that's false.
Why is it that the semicolon has such a poor name? Let's look at the colon: the colon is two dots. The semicolon is a dot and a comma, which we all know uses more graphite to write and will deplete your ink cartridge faster. Then why is it called semicolon? It's a whole colon, and then some. The colon is a semi-semicolon. It lacks the tail of the semicolon. If I were the semicolon, I would demand a proper name. In fact that name would be "Colon to the max and then some". Can you imagine your seventh grade teacher telling you that you used the "colon to the max and then some" incorrectly? Yeah. Isn't that great?
My favorite aspect of the semicolon is that it links related whole sentences together, but it doesn't require that pesky comma that has twenty million rules; it just works. It's beautiful and it lengthens your sentences to sound smarter. That's how I got through high school.
Sadly, the semicolon has a double life. It's wonderful and beautiful, and then it has a dark side....
What is it with programming and semicolons? I admire its(programming's) ability to allow people to recognize the existence and use of the semicolon, but why, WHY, did you go to the dark side? Don't you realize that even though you, semicolon, are used in every line, that they are misusing you and putting you to work for dark forces? It's propaganda, that's what that is. They're lying to you, telling you "oh you're so wonderful, we use you so often, in fact, programs won't compile without you." But really, with their diet cokes and twinkies in a dark basement, they are stripping you of your real purpose. Do not let them. Fight the power. You do not have to be at the mercy of geeks. WE do not have to be at the mercy of geeks. GEEKS, YOU WILL NOT TAKE US!

And I, like the semicolon, follow the geeks, hand in hand, to the basement. And I partake of the vending machine icecream...
(that's for you, McKay)

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