Saturday, March 11, 2006

What boys don't know about kissing

"911. What is your emergency?"
"I can't move my neck."
"Ok. How did this happen?"
"He kissed me good night."
"We'll be right over."

So last night, McKay walks me back to my place and we spend a little time outside the door before I go in (you know, the goodnight kiss part). So we stand there and stand there and there I am looking up at him. We get to the kiss.

And you know what? After standing there looking up at him and then kissing him, my neck hurts. Bad. You see, when a girl is kissed, she lifts her head up to connect with the guy. Holding that position for long periods of time (or short periods of time when it's far too late to even move) strains her neck.

She can try everything, turning her head to the other side, tippy-toeing to relieve the angle of kissing. It does not work.

Guys: they don't know this. They just have to lean down a little bit. Plus, they don't get what the girl's doing. They don't get that the girl is in no way thinking about the kiss, but instead is thinking, "Oh! My neck. This is really hurting. He doesn't seem to notice. Maybe if I move my head this way...No that didn't work. Back to the original position. This hurts like an umbrella. And I hope this kiss ends soon because if it doesn't, my neck will be stuck in this position for the next 2 months. Ok. How about now? Or now? Please stop kissing me!"

Except she can't really say that. She has to keep up the "I'm really enjoying this" attitude.

The saddest part of this is that she's really too distracted to kiss well. Honest. Because her mind is worried about the state of her neck, there's no way she's worried about the state of her lips. Quality is greatly lost. (and the really sad part is that the guy doesn't even notice that the kiss is half par)

You may be right, my friend. It might be the girl's fault for straining her neck. It is more common than not that a girl choses a guy who is taller than her. If she just kissed shorter guys, this wouldn't be a problem.

Except, my guy friends, can you imagine walking a girl to her apartment and then kissing up? And girls, here comes the goodnight kiss and you have to kiss down. The situation is slightly...awkward. Of course there are couples in thie world where the heights are reversed, but on average guys are just taller than girls.

And as the paramedics fasten the neck brace on, you breathe a sigh of relief and swear you will never kiss again.

yeah right.

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