Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Life and Death

Here's the life! This is an onion. It decided that the top of our refrigerator is a good place to sprout.

And now the death: this is what I look like after I run.

See how red my face is? Masque of the Red Death.
Also note the beautiful cinder block exterior of our apartment complex.

I'll note though, that I only walked 2 blocks today (of the whole 30 minutes!). Granted, I did a really slow jog, but I'm improving. Rex Lee Run is this weekend. Tomorrow we pick up our numbers and shirts.

More on death:

I don't have a will or anything that'll help anybody out if I were to die right now. I like how my dad summarizes life insurance: You're betting you die, and they're betting you live. Do you really want to be on that end of the bet?

But, I do have wishes for my funeral. Note: I don't plan on dying anytime soon. In fact, I don't plan on dying ever. It's kind of like how I plan my life: I never planned on being an art major, so I'm not an art major. I never intended to do a full time mission when I turned 21, I'm not going on a mission. I don't plan on ever dying: I won't ever die.

But, just in case I had a funeral, this is how it would go:
Opening Hymn: Redeemer of Israel #6
Talk consisting of one scripture: 1 Thess. 4:13-18
Closing Hymn: Praise to the Lord, the Almighty #72

Drive to the grave site. Tie balloons saying "Happy Death day!" near the grave. Have a gypsy dance on the grave after I'm covered up. Commence eating cake (preferably in a picnic manner at the grave site). And NO funeral potatoes. I hate funeral potatoes.

Ok. So now I suppose you all are going to want some explanation.
The hymns were chosen because they are my favorite hymns. Praise to the Lord is my all-time favorite, so we all get to sing that one last so it can stick in our heads as we go about the rest of the day. The scripture is simple: read the last verse. Paul says, "Wherefore comfort one another with these words," meaning, "if you are mourning the loss of someone, this is how to comfort each other." And Paul was an apostle, and it's usually good habit to follow the Apostles' words. Thus I have required it to be spoken at my funeral. That way, you're all not committing sins of omission from attending my funeral. ;)

Death day balloons. Well, I think that that's just good manners. Balloons are fun. Death is not usually fun. So it'll brighten up everyone's day! Even mine. Especially mine. I don't want to see you all crying at my funeral! Do you think that's how I want to start off my afterlife? I don't think so.

Gypsy dancing on a grave: I saw this in a movie once and I really liked it. It'll also brighten up the mood. Plus, it's cool. I'd prefer if everyone danced, but I wouldn't want to keep you all from getting to the cake sooner.

Cake/picnic style. Once my family went to visit my grandfather's grave in Ohio. It was about lunchtime. I suggested we have a picnic near Grandpa and leave him a plate and utensils and such. My mom thought this would upset my grandmother, but I don't think Grandpa would have minded, and we didn't have to tell Grandma! Grandpa probably would have enjoyed it. I'll enjoy it. And cemeteries are so nice and peaceful. It'd be a great picnic. And cake is some of the best food on the planet.

So there you go. If I died, that's how everything would go down. Actually, I'd like to go down holding some flowers (meaning in my casket). And you could probably dye my hair. It'd be cool to wake up, resurrected, saying, "Wow! My hair is fire engine red!" and showing it off to all the other resurrected people in the cemetery (who'll all be jealous that they didn't get a great surprise.) Oh! And one last thing. I want a coffin with a little drawer for notes. When my grandfather died, his had one and we all wrote notes to him and put them in the drawer. When he gets resurrected, he'll have mail! And I love getting mail! That would just make my day. That and being resurrected. And my hair. And cake. Definitely the cake.

1 comment:

  1. Ok, a couple of things. First off, I took the nerd test and I'm mid-level nerd (73% upon cheating, 72% on my own knowledge/guesses)! My husband, however, is a 94... so you beat us both!

    And, let's see, what else. What movie was it with the gypsie dancing? That does sound pretty cool actually... so does the picnic, if I were the dead one... but if I were alive, it'd be creepy.

    And finally, the balloons: Hmmm. Makes me think of Brad's wish to have a "return to sender" coffin.

    And second finally (because I just now changed my mind about finalizing), my mother has always said, "Life sucks and then you die!" Which everyone else takes to be negative, but I think dying isn't such a negative thing. I mean, come on, life is hard, but you get over it, move on, and then we die (because it's part of the cycle) and then we're resurrected. It's not all that bad people.

    ps- my father's an insurance agent.


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