Friday, August 29, 2008

Lots of Thoughts

We're going to play "stream of thought." There's lots of stuff in my head and it's just going to all come out.

Would you believe that I actually censor myself on this blog? HAHAHA. I do. Really. Sure, this blog has once been referred to as "gutsy" but I look over to all the other blogs in blogland, and I see people who are far more gutsy than me. I idolize them. They seem to just post whatever, no matter who reads their blog: friends, family, ward members, probably ex-boyfriends, some other random stranger.

And to be honest, I don't post whatever- and I think that's got to change. When I first learned that my family reads my blog, I had to decide that I wasn't going to water things down- well, they have to love me anyway, right? And I shouldn't have to hide my real opinions from people who supposedly love me unconditionally. And then I learned that my in-laws read this blog. Actually, it's not the parents- or siblings-in-law that I wonder about (I did, once upon a time, but I've become comfortable with it). They're like my family; they have to love me. :) It's the random cousins-in-law/obscure relatives I've never met/only met once that I don't know about. But I guess, they'll fall in the "have to love me" category- and if I've really not had that much contact with them, then does it matter? And then random people in my ward read my blog.

Actually, I was anonymously threatened/blackmailed by someone in my ward earlier this year about what I put on this blog. It makes you wonder at church who "anonymous" is. But then, ward is like family, right? They always say, "ward family." They have to love me anyway. At least, they can't keep me from going to church or activities. I love church.

And then there's random friends from high school/my past. If they get upset, then I guess we weren't that great of friends to start with, huh? And then random strangers- and who cares what they think.

So conclusion- I shouldn't care.

But yet, sometimes I feel like the proverbial bridges might be burning- which makes me wonder why proverbial bridges haven't caught up with the times and become steel cable bridges...

So, I'm going to attempt to be gutsy again. It might not happen right away, but then again, it might.

Whipping out the guts. You can hate mine if you like. I don't mind because I love my guts.

6 comments:

  1. I love your guts, too!

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  2. Speaking for the in-law side...I'm grateful you've come along to take over for me!! I've mellowed in my old age so I'm happy I have someone to turn the torch over to. Go for it!

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  3. I have mixed feelings on this... :)

    I had a LiveJournal and a blogspot blog a few years ago. The LJ I have had since I was 15, the blogspot I'd had for a year or two. One week I found out my parents were reading my LJ against my wishes - basically they were spying on me, as by that point I had moved out of the house and was going to meet my biological father against my mom's wishes. It was a really hard time for me and I felt very betrayed. So I made my LJ friends only.

    Then, two days later, I found out my biological grandma, who I had just met 4 months earlier, had found my blog and was also spying on me. Talk about paranoid! I shut down the blog and moved to a different one. Now the blog I have I am very careful with. I think I have only written one "gutsy" post, about my relationship with my mom prior to Toby's birth. (it was bad.) That way no one can blackmail ME or make me feel bad, I guess.

    Anyway, it's a tough road to walk. Some would ask why I didn't just give up blogging, but I can't do that - I love writing and I love sharing my stories. I just want a little measure of safety in sharing them, I guess.

    Good luck to you :)

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  4. Sheri, that torch you speak of, is it the torch used for burning bridges? hahaha

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  5. Polite women rarely make history.

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  6. go you!!!

    i gave up on being polite too. I figure my blog is like my living room...if you want to come over and listen to me, go for it...if not, well, go away! Nobody is MAKING you read it, you know?
    On the other hand, I do talk about personal stuff, but not private stuff...if that makes sense.

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