I wanted to share a comment I made on a friend's blog a few weeks back.
I think the hardest part is differentiating between making judgment on an action and making a judgment on a person. When we judge a person "bad" we are essentially denying the ability of the atonement to save them. However, I think judging actions is different and we have to judge actions at some point. For example, it's fine to say "Murder is wrong" but to say, "That murderer is a bad person" is not.
This gets fuzzy when we start making judgments such as "spanking is no different than hitting." We have to be careful that we're not saying, "Parents who spank are bad parents." And as people on the receiving end of such statements, we have to remember to separate ourselves from the action. When people say, "Homebirth is risky and dangerous" we should remind ourselves that they AREN'T saying, "You are a bad mom for putting you and your baby in 'danger'."
Also, I wanted to clarify why I talk about unassisted birth, ECing, extended breastfeeding, etc. There are two main reasons:
- Because I found that these "alternative" lifestyle choices work really well for us and I want to share them- perhaps they'll work well for you. In the same way my in-laws and husband keep telling me that Disneyland is this cool place; I've never been, but they keep insisting, "Hey! We've been there! It's cool- you should go some day!"
- Because the people who make those choices can't find a lot of support sometimes- I want to give them that support. In the example of UCing, many UCers have no support from the people around them: friends, family. Their only support comes from online: reading the stories and blogs of people who've done it, too. I want them to have the support they need because I know I needed the same support. The same goes for "extended" breastfeeding: I want to have a carnival because sometimes we need to hear each other's stories and feel supported. I know one mom who feels very lonely because she's still nursing her 4 year old. I know another mom who tries to breastfeed her 2 year old less in public because she's worried about what other people are thinking.
I don't blog about these things because I think, "Neener neener neener- I'm way cooler than you!" And I try very hard not to come across that way. I hope that I'm doing better at that than I did a year ago and that a year from now I'll be better than today.