So I read Faber and Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids WIll Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I had heard a lot about this book and lots of praise for it. And overall, it definitely adds some techniques to your bag of tricks. I liked the examples of writing down children's concerns and working them out with them and a lot of the suggestions were compassionate. Lots of good little tips spread through out the book.
But at some points this book drove me crazy- particularly its suggestion to use notes- especially since the examples were just too passive aggressive to me.
As a child who's been on the receiving end of a parent's passive aggressive note, I feel that the note was an attempt to manipulate me. It felt demeaning to me; I would have much rather been treated like an equal and just spoken to instead of manipulated with a note. In the book, the example of a note on a mirror, "Help! Hairs in my drain give me a pain. Glug, your stopped up sink" was just too reminiscent of this site. If I had been on the receiving end of that note, I guarantee it would have been ignored and I would have been thinking up some sort of passive aggressive retaliation. I do think notes would work with children if it was agreed upon ahead of time such as, "I don't think you like me nagging you about everything, would it be better if I left a note of what I expect when I go run errands on Saturday?" In that way, the child is still spoken to directly and treated with respect. But the passive aggressive aspect of some of the examples- no thanks.
This is probably a book I'll have to look at later and review it again at that time- most of the suggestions wouldn't work for a child under the age of 5 or so and not having an older child makes me at a disadvantage to rate some of the techniques. And just like most parenting books, take what you want and leave the rest.