Monday, November 30, 2009

Comment Policy

I turned off anonymous comments over a year ago.

This is why:

You are psycho!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have diapers for a reason, this is not 1842 it's 2008, so use them. Newborns are not suppose to be going to the bathroom on the toilet. -Anonymous on Unexpected Success

Wow- you're just completely crazy. Did you read what your own FATHER said! Cover up- why are you so freaking wierd??? Nobody- I mean NOBODY want to see your boobs! And your own daughter, please be a better example for her. You really need to think about what you're doing and teaching her now that you're a mother! Come on- get it together! Also, did you know that your blog is getting gobs of attention due to your ridiculous lifestyle?? Having a baby in a borrowed blow up pool in your living room!!! Please re-evaluate your life. -Anonymous on Nursing In Public

I came across your blog and I think this is totally disgusting! How can you sit there and say that it is disrespectful for someone to call a breast "it" yet you are exposing your freakin breasts on public internet for everyone to see. Now that is offensive... How can you represent the church and have naked pictures of your self on your blog, even if it is doens't matter. Would you be ok with your Bishop or better yet an Apostle looking at this? I didn't think so! -Anonymous on Our UC (I didn't publish this one) And actually, I have no problem with anyone- bishop, apostle, God himself or otherwise- seeing these. I have a post on birth nudity in the making for my reasons why later.
There were more (oy- were there!), but that's a sampling. I'd like to say a thing or two to you, Anonymous, but I won't right now (though I've certainly said them in my head!) All these comments happened within the first 4 months of Margaret's life. I was very postpartum; it was very hurtful to read them all.

I will continue to moderate comments, but unfortunately, I've still been cyber-bullied by a person who knew I wasn't going to post their comment. Knowing I'd still read it, but not publish it gave them the "freedom" to say whatever they liked. I will not tolerate that. If you do so, you will hear from me.

I got rid of anonymous comments to ward off at least some of these hate-filled comments. I'm not as graceful in responding to mean comments as other bloggers. I usually just shut down and hope it goes away. Some bloggers are wonderful at responding. I've seen others openly address the rude comments, which also seems to work. If I get mean comments, I'll try employing these methods (yes, I might openly call you out, so think a couple of times before your submit the comment).

However, I have friends who can't comment because of my "No anonymous comments" policy. In fact, The Organic Sister, has asked me a couple of times if I can put them back on.

And you know what? I think I will. But first, I'm going to have a comment policy.

Here it is:

All comments are moderated. I work to review and approve comments as quickly as possible, but please do not resubmit your comment if it does not appear right away.

Please be kind in your comments. Flaming or use of threatening language is not allowed nor will it be tolerated.

I enjoy reading the links you all put in your comments, but I will not publish comments with spam links. I get to determine what I consider to be spam.

Unless your parents named you "Anonymous" you can't use that name. Type your name it. It takes only a second or two.

I cannot edit your comment. If I'd like to still publish your comment, but edit out a couple of parts, I will write it as my own comment and link back to you. This has only happened once, when someone commented, "Oh! I think I once lived in your ward! Do you live at ______?" I edited that comment and gave the original commenter credit. While I'm pretty open on my blog, I'm not open enough that I'll give you all the opportunity to throw rocks in our windows. Sorry.

You, and only you, are responsible for your words. They are yours and you get to keep them, however, by posting your comments to the blog you are granting me the right, in perpetuity, to use, alter, and/or display them however I see fit.

Once your comment is submitted, that’s it — you’re immortalized.

I also reserve the right to change this policy at any time, and to refuse to publish any comment even for reasons I haven't mentioned. Your freedom of speech does not extend to my blog comments.

One blogger I know put these two quotes on her comment page. I like them:

One man cannot hold another man down in the ditch without remaining down in the ditch with him.
-Booker T. Washington

Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
-T.H. Thompson

So there you are. I kind of feel like this will reopen old wounds, and if it does, then I will revoke anonymous comments again. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Thanks.


  1. I've had my share of mean/nasty/hateful comments. Things that are really vulgar/crass/or worse will get deleted. I put up word verification to get rid of spammers. A few still get through but it's helped. Maybe some day I will ban anonymous commenters, but don't have the energy to that or to moderate comments at this point. The internet has enabled some very bad manners.

    There is one person who is banned from commenting on my blog. She knows who she is and if she comments, I delete it. (And then she goes off on a huff about it and/or says "you know I'm right and you're wrong and that's why you won't publish my comments.")

  2. I LOVE the second quote...
    What a good reminder

  3. I am sorry you got these comments. These anonymous comments are extremely obnoxious and rude. They are personal attacks.

    I really like your blog and the posts you got these responses to are some of my favorite posts on your blog.

    I just turned off my anonymous because I was getting spam type comments.

  4. Yay for anon comment peer pressure! ;)

    I really hope Blogger gets with it. Wordpress allows you to blacklist an IP address or only moderate certain ppl or new commenters. So much more functionality, I'm surprised Blogger hasn't done the same.

    I occasionally get the nasty comments too. I guess that's life, although I don't understand someone's life being so angry/bitter they feel they need to pass it on.

    Well, I think this is long enough for my first comment, so I just want to say Thank You for allowing us good guys to join the convo too!

  5. I've considered switching to Wordpress, but switching seems so daunting. If anyone wants to share their experience with switching, I'm open to hear about it.

  6. Oy. If it wasn't so personal it'd almost be funny. I forget sometimes that people can be that mean and ignorant. I've enjoyed reading your blog and look forward for your future "birth nudity" post.

  7. That is unfortunate that people are so ignorant that they feel they can post such insightless posts on your blog. That is sad.

  8. I've had a few anonymous comments, and they are always rude. It's my opinion that those people are cowards, unwilling to put their name with their words.

    A personal blog is like a home. We are being generous and inviting people into our lives, and I think it's awful that people would come in only to throw rocks at us.

    Even though it wasn't the focus of your post, the nudity and church thing made me think about my art history class at BYU (church-sponsored school), and how we studied lots of images with nude people in them. When I was at BYU, the Museum of Art had a collection of Rodin sculptures on loan from another museum, but there were people who complained that they weren't family-friendly, so the museum kept them in the basement where no one could see them! I thought it was a terrible loss. Anyway, I see viewing nude art as similar to seeing nudity for learning purposes (like anatomy, medicine, learning about birth, etc). And feeding a baby with a breast shouldn't be offensive, either.

  9. What are the chances, I made this exact switch (re-enabling 'anonymous' but announcing that anyone using the function better name themselves) today too. Weird!

  10. I haven't had any rude comments...yet. But I have comment moderation just in case it does happen. It amazes me that people are so upset by your blog (or other blogs like yours)! I LOVE your blog! I think it is great!

    I'm excited to read your birth nudity post. I am ok with birth nudity, but my husband is very sensitive to it. I have read an LDS perspective against birth nudity, so now I am interested to see another LDS perspective of someone who is ok with birth nudity.

  11. You are braver than I am. The first time I got a mean comment on my blog I turned off all comments permenetly. That was over two years ago. I still do not allow comments.

    Also, I know you already know this, but you are doing a great thing. You are fighting for a wonderful cause. Sadly, some people re ignorant and mean. Those are the people you have to deal with. That is why it's called fighting for a cause and not not-meeting-resistance-for-a-cause.

  12. It is so sad to see how many horrible things people can find to say about someone. I am truly sorry that some have chosen to leave those comments. I know from experience of the hurt they can cause as I shut down my last blog over some comments that I later found out were coming from someone I thought was a friend. I can say that I love your blog. Not because I agree with every single thing you say, but because you say what you believe. Reading your blog (and many other ones too) reminds me of what others think and believe that might be different than me or might even be eye opening to me. BRAVO! to your openness and willingness to share your life experiences with all who read your blog!

  13. I'm pretty much shocked at the lack of class and restraint of those commenting individuals... nothing you are doing is destructing! In fact, you do lots of things that HELP humanity (parenting, ECing, breastfeeding), I don't know how they could get so upset about that. Ridiculous. I will continue to read on and give you good comments! Love your blog.