Monday, November 16, 2009

Inquistion Monday: Regrets

Heatherlady asked, "Have you ever written a post that you regretted? One that you wish you could take back or that was written a while ago and you've since changed your mind? Just curious."

In short, no. On one level I see my blog like a journal. I grow and change, but what I wrote was a part of me and how I thought at the time I wrote it. It's kind of like my how I'm married now and I no longer have the same crushes I had when I was 12, but I'm not going to take back or re-write my junior high journals just because I've moved on and changed. It's a part of my 12 year old self, you know?

I trust my readers to understand that I'm a growing and learning person. I've not always been the most tactful, but I'm working on it and learning to be. I trust that other people understand that life is a changing thing and so my blog will be a changing thing.

Then there are the blog posts I still stand behind 100%. An example of this is my Modesty and Breastfeeding post. After talking to someone about how seeing breastfeeding actually helped him fight a pornography problem, I wanted to write another post about the topic. But I went back and re-read that post from January and realized everything I wanted to say I already said. Breastfeeding is not immodest, it's not pornographic, no matter how much breast is exposed while breastfeeding. There is a great difference between using your body for nurturing your child and using your body to arouse and stimulate.

So how, as readers, are you supposed to tell what posts I'm still behind 100% and which ones I'd like a little mercy about? I don't know. Guess? Inquisition Mondays? Ooh ooh! Become pyschic! I'm sure there're some radioactive spiders or beetles or giraffes around here...

I think the thing I most regret is how I've handled some comments. When a comment discussion gets particularly argumentative or sensitive, I often just shut down and stop paying attention to it because it gets stressful for me. I really shouldn't do that. I have high esteem for bloggers who can handle angry comments with grace and I'm still working on doing that.

Sometimes when I've "shut down," it stays with me and works in me until months later, I'll post a comment that I should have back when the post was fresh. I did this recently for my Bleeding in the Background post. I wanted to clarify that I don't believe I had postpartum depression, but when Margaret was 1 month old, another blogger attacked the way I handled the birth. I started getting upset emails from all across the country as a result. Part of my worry and anxiety that I was being judged by my ward for my UC and for staying home so long stemmed from receiving many judgmental emails and comments. Had that blogger never posted that post, my postpartum time would have been much less stressful and less burdened with anxiety. I didn't post about that in my Bleeding in the Background post, but I've been feeling like I should clarify that, so I did.

So, in the end, I expect you all to be psychic about what posts represent my current views. Are there some posts that could have been worded differently? Some I don't fully put my weight behind any more? Sure. Am I going to go through every blog post I've ever written and rewrite them? No. I do have to spend some time away from the computer.

4 comments:

  1. I can't believe people in your ward were being harsh and judgemental towards your UC. Although I personally would never consider that for myself, I would think that as an LDS member you would offer the same type of support that you would for someone who gave birth in a hospital.

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  2. No, the people in my ward weren't being judgmental. When that blogger (not in my ward, but LDS) wrote that post, I got a lot of "You're a disgrace to the LDS Church" emails and such. So then I kind of got a little bit paranoid about what other people were thinking and my worry/anxiety/paranoia about not being back at church quickly and other things were amplified: "If that's what complete strangers think of me, what do my neighbors think?" You know? It was a rough time.

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  3. Well, for what it's worth, I think you're a credit to the LDS Church.

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  4. Thanks, Holly, I try. :)

    When I woke up this morning I did remember that I got a mean comment from "Anonymous" in that month after having Margaret. "If you don't ____, I'll tell Bishop (his name)." The use of his name pretty much guarantees it was from someone in the ward, though I looked over the ward directory and couldn't find any Brother or Sister Anonymous anywhere! Anyway, my ward wasn't 100% free of some blame. It's hard to go back to a ward with the question, "Who here is trying to threaten and manipulate me?" But you just keep going. You can't let them win, you know?

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Please review my blog comment policy here before commenting. You may not use the name "Anonymous." You must use a Google Account, OpenID, or type in a name in the OpenID option. You can make one up if you need to. Even if your comment is productive and adding to the conversation, I will not publish it if it is anonymous.