Thursday, August 19, 2010

Footnote

I wanted to add a little bit to my birth story. There was a part that kind of makes McKay sound pushy and invasive, or at least it sounds like it to me. You see, one of the reasons I don't want extra people at my births is that I want to follow my gut and I don't want people distracting me with their suggestions. And yet there was this:

I wanted to stand up to see if it was a shoulder issue and if changing positions would help. Meanwhile, McKay was telling me to stay in the water for some reason. We actually got into a little quarrel about it. "Stay in the water! "Why?" "Because....(some reason I wasn't paying attention to)" "That doesn't make sense!" "Keep the baby's head in the water." "Why? No." "You catch it in front of you so I don't have to pass it to you." "I'm standing up!"

And he was sort of being pushy. That's exactly the sort of situation I try to avoid.

Underneath my words of frustration at that point, I was having a a metaconversation in my head. All of this was happening when the above was happening. Labor time is really weird.

"Stay in the water? Well aren't you the pushy one? Who is the one with a baby's head sticking out of her? Right. Me. ... some more of the argument happened... oh I can catch it. That's what he wanted. He wanted me to give me a chance to catch the baby myself. Aww... How sweet of him. I love him." Then I stood up, pushed, and had a baby.

During the pregnancy, I had talked about wanting a solo birth and catching the baby myself. A solo birth was obviously not happening, but he wanted me to have a least part of that dream and tried to offer it to me. Unfortunately for him, neither of us had gotten much sleep and I was in the middle of having a baby, so the communication was a little broken.

But he meant well. It was nice of him to remember my wishes.

I know I said this in the birth story, but the two contractions when we were standing against the wall together were definitely a couple of the best contractions. I felt really close to him and loved. He was literally a great support and had my back. I know he does those figuratively for me also. In all my crazy endeavors.

So Happy Anniversary to McKay! Four years today!

6 comments:

  1. happy anniversary!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy Anniversary to you both! Four years? Really? We're all going to be crotchety old people sooner than we know it. Hope you guys have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love that you have a footnote to your birth story, just so people don't think your husband is controlling or bossy! I didn't even really notice that part of your story. (Or, I figured that McKay was in a better situation to know what you needed to do...I'm sure he's educated enough on birth to be aware of things that would make it better for you.) I'm really looking forward to my hubby being my number one support for this birth.

    And, congratulations on your anniversary! My husband and I just celebrated our third anniversary last week!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy 4 years!! Love the in your head dialog!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mallory,
    I can't even describe how much I fell in love with him during those last few pushes. This post definitely does not do it justice at all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are a lucky girl. My hubby was okay with things but mostly he was just quiet. I guess it was different since I wanted and had midwives and wanted them to be my main support because my guy isn't so into blood (he didn't even want to cut the cord but in the end he did) and doesn't read books (and blogs) like I do to educate himself on these kinds of things. But I remember when my midwives got a little pushy with me and I was so mad. I felt kind of betrayed even because I had them there with me so they wouldn't do that. It was that bad but I won't soon forget hat they had me in a semi-sitting position to push when I had wanted to stand. Ugh!!

    ReplyDelete

Please review my blog comment policy here before commenting. You may not use the name "Anonymous." You must use a Google Account, OpenID, or type in a name in the OpenID option. You can make one up if you need to. Even if your comment is productive and adding to the conversation, I will not publish it if it is anonymous.